You cannot be serious!

2024 is Election Year! Time magazine could very well anoint Elections as its Person Of The Year. The New York Times estimates that about 80 countries are going to elections in 2024 with roughly half the world’s population getting to cast its vote. That’s 4 billion people! On the line are races that will merely strengthen entrenched regimes, as well as chances for nascent democracies to take hold. All of this will add a lot more upheaval to an already upheaved humanity that has been reeling under a never-ending war of attrition in Europe. A 26/11 kind of intrusion and subsequent retaliation gone awry that is now threatening the entire Middle East, which in turn is threatening the heavily oil-dependent world economy into fast forwarding its adoption to electric. Not to forget the continent of children of a lesser God – aka Africa – grappling with civil wars. A belligerent China bent on establishing the supremacy of the East. And last but not the least, the USA that too goes to polls having to choose between two geriatrics – one lightheaded, and the other pigheaded. Whoa … quite an action packed world order! And bang in the middle of all of this turmoil half the people in the world get to decide how their half is going to shape up in, and shape, the world.

Elections, therefore, are a serious business. They are serious. And they are a business.

Serious in the sense that there is a lot at stake for every ballot cast. Irrespective of what may have been pre-decided or pre-ordained in the voter’s mind, the moment of truth is when they stand in that small enclosure and finally press the button or put their seal on some specific candidate. A momentary lapse in reason at that moment, at an individual level multiple million-fold, could mean an agreeable future vs one that could be potentially destructive in more ways than one. Elections are serious as they lead to an us-and-them (too many Floyd-ian references?) environment at every level of society -  right down to families. They test affiliations, friendships, relationships, associations. And I don’t just mean among political parties.

Elections are a business as unheard of sums of money get conjured up from thin air and are splurged all around. From getting nominated, to campaigning, to horse trading, to planning the campaigning, to managing hectic schedules and the travel they involve, to activating on-ground forces. Every step of the electoral process is awash with money. The same applies to media houses that cover the polls. Coverage of campaigns, the exit polls, the voting days, the counting day, and post results analysis all are fertile ground to land multiple advertising deals. Over the last decade or so social media too has upped its ante with online influencers playing an important role in amping up their subscriber base and dishing out ‘unbiased’ and ‘unfiltered’ opinions. In that sense, elections are like national festivals which have morphed into business-es at various levels.

Is today’s post going to be a rant about politics? Am I going to break one of the cardinal principles of this fortnightly newsletter? No way. I very well remember my solemn promise of not writing about politics, and I am not about to break it. So today’s post is not about the serious business of elections or politics or politicians and my views and opinions on them. In the charged-up atmosphere that are a result of elections I say, (with due hat tip to John McEnroe) – “You cannot be serious!” (McEnroe’s original quip had an emphasis on ‘not’, which could be read as “You can NOT be serious!” ‘Cannot’ is just a rhetorical observation. ‘Can NOT’ is an accusation. Aah … the beauty of the English language!)

Actually, let me rephrase it - rather than cannot, you shouldn’t be serious. Because being serious about politics, politicians or elections has not done any good for anyone who doesn’t practice that craft (yes, it’s a craft … not for nothing are all politicians crafty). Being serious only leads to serious health issues - mental as well as physical - for the public. Being serious hasn’t really changed things for the better for the public. It has only made things better for the practitioners of politics. Because we all need a break from the tension that hangs in the air in the build-up to the voting day and then the interminable wait for the results to start trickling in.

Am I saying ‘que sera, sera’? Am I resigning myself to fate? Not really. In fact it’s just the opposite. I feel that developing a sense of humour about the serious business of politics and elections is an excellent survival or coping mechanism. Because it is only then that one is able to see things for they are and not for what they could be as promised by politicians. By no means am I saying that we should take our moral responsibilities as responsible citizens lightly. The power of the finger that carries the indelible ink mark has consistently thrown surprises and upsets. And it will continue to do so. All I am trying to say is what the Joker famously said, “Why so serious?” Today’s post is to alleviate the heaviness associated with elections and politics and politicians. Today’s post is about lightening the mood, while still landing the message.

Now, I don’t profess any particular skills of looking at the lighter side of serious businesses. So I will be letting some rather wise people do that job on my behalf. Below is a collation of quotable quotes, and some cartoons, over the years that I found to hit the nail on its head while still managing to elicit a chuckle or the occasional guffaw. And like all things funny, these stay true to the profundity with brevity dictum of humour that makes them all the more incisive.

Presenting

(drumroll)

The Lighter Side of Politics, Politicians & Elections

~ Anonymous

“If voting made any difference they wouldn’t let us do it.” 

~ Mark Twain

“We stand today at a crossroads: One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other leads to total extinction. Let us hope we have the wisdom to make the right choice.” 

~ Woody Allen

“Politicians are people who get sworn in and cursed out.”

~ Alfred E. Neuman

“If you put your politicians up for sale, … then someone will buy them — and it won’t be you; you can’t afford them.” 

~ Juan Cole

“The oppressed are allowed once every few years to decide which particular representatives of the oppressing class are to represent and repress them”.

~ Karl Marx

“Why pay money to have your family tree traced; go into politics and your opponents will do it for you.”

~ Anonymous

“Every country is a land of promise. Especially during an election campaign.”

~ Alfred E. Neuman

"Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other."

~ Oscar Ameringer

"It has been said that politics is the second oldest profession. I have learned that it bears a striking resemblance to the first."

~ Ronald Reagan

“ Politicians, ugly buildings and whores all become respectable if they last long enough.”

~ Chinatown

"These days, the only time politicians tell the truth is when they call each other a liar."

~ Alfred E. Neuman

"Everything is changing. People are taking their comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke."

~ Will Rogers

"Elections are when people find out what politicians stand for, and politicians find out what people will fall for."

~ Alfred E. Neuman

"Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the tunnel, go out and buy some more tunnel."

~ John Quinton

"A politician is a fellow who will lay down your life for his country."

~ Texas Guinan

"Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself."

~ Mark Twain

“How come we choose from just two people for President, and fifty for Miss America?”

~ Alfred E. Neuman

“I have come to the conclusion that politics is too serious a matter to be left to the politicians.” 

~ Charles de Gaulle

“They will vote for me all right if there’s a mid-term poll. My work isn’t finished yet – I have to give them water, food, shelter as I had promised.”

“I don’t tell jokes. I just look at the government and tell the facts.”

~ Will Rogers

Junior bureaucrat: “Surely the citizens of a democracy have a right to know,” 

Sir Humphrey: “No. They have a right to be ignorant. Knowledge only means complicity in guilt. Ignorance has a certain dignity.”

~ Yes Minister

“Political speeches are like steer horns. A point here, a point there, and a lot of bull in between.”

~ Alfred E. Neuman

"The trouble with political jokes is that very often they get elected."

~ Will Rogers

“Politicians are always trying to convince people that they will be able to solve the unemployment problem if you’ll just give them the job.”

~ Alfred E. Neuman

“They are fooling him. There is no such traditional head gear in this region.”

“Crime does not pay. As well as politics.”

~ Alfred E. Neuman

“In the long run, religion and politics are the two most profitable businesses to get into.”

~ Anonymous

“Not to bother, sir. It is the mischief of the opposition. They visited this place and told them they have no water, food, jobs, etc. They were quite happy before the opposition visit!”

''If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?''

—Abraham Lincoln

Q: Why do thieves never target politician’s homes?

A: Professional courtesy.

~ Anonymous

Vote wisely.

Be braver. Be kinder.

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For Keep Watching this time is the review of the hit HBO series Succession. I chose this as it comes closest to depicting the total lack of integrity and ethics in a mega rich corporate dynasty and how, given the tunnel vision motivation of power and money, anyone can reach the lowest of lows, which I feel has been the survival mantra of politicians.

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If Billions made you marvel at the life and lifestyles of the rich and famous, then Succession takes it several notches higher when it comes to lifestyle, and several notches lower when it comes to ethics, integrity and their ilk. Essentially about a multi-billionaire patriarch of a vast media empire (Murdoch anyone?) who keeps pitting his 4 kids against each other in a game of who succeeds him. It’s a peep into the shenanigans of all the members of a totally dysfunctional family in a game of oneupmanship. Riveting because it appalls you when you see the depths one can plumb down to, to seek total control where relations, relatives and emotions don’t matter. It constantly reminded me of a line from a U2 song - you stoop so low, to reach so high. 4*

Succession | 4 Seasons